KIRBY KRACKLE

Pictures from New York Comic Con 2010

2010-10-14T13:04:00.004-04:00

It's Clobberin' Time!

A family wedding nearly kept me from this year's New York Comic Con, but some creative flight management (i.e., waking leaving an upstate hunting cabin at 4:00 a.m. on Sunday) got me back into the city in time for the final day. In addition to meeting Paul Levitz, attending a panel with John Romitas Sr. and Jr., and spending a ton of money on old issues of Legion of Super Heroes, Thor, and Uncanny X-Men, I managed to take a lot of pictures. (Check out the full Flickr set.) (Oh and there's always the 2009 pix, too.)

Maybe next year I'll get to go for all three days.


Catwoman takes a break from crime for an interview

A speederbike rider poses with a young skateboarder


Catchin' air

Superman, brooding

Bringing Comics to Work: Five Comics-Related Works at The Mueum of Modern Art

2010-10-01T16:16:00.000-04:00

I wrote a quick blog post about comics and comics-inspired art at MoMA (aka my day job):

"Five for Friday: See You in the Funny Papers"

"DC Comics and Chocolate Milkshake" Redux

2009-09-16T10:15:00.006-04:00

As a quick follow-up to an earlier post about Art Brut's recent visit to the DC Comics (now DC Entertainment) offices, here's a video piece from Pitchfork...

UPDATE: Streaming was disabled for the video, but Under the Radar has a report on Eddie Argos's DC-inspired side project, Spoiler Alert!.

Plus you can hear all about the band's experience...live in concert:

Lex Luthor Goes for Federal Bailout Money

2009-08-18T13:52:00.003-04:00

John Hamm should consider playing Lex in the next Superman movie.

"Lex Luthor Bailout" with Jon Hamm from Jon Hamm

NPR Blog Calls Thor a Jerk

2009-07-16T13:16:00.003-04:00

Thor Odinson: Likely to cancel his support for public radio
Writing on NPR.org's Monkey See blog about the addition of Natalie Portman to the cast of the upcoming Thor movie, Glen Weldon calls the God of Thunder a "jerk" who always has "a puss on his face."

Now I'm not sure what that latter phrase means (though it certainly doesn't sound like a bad thing), but on the whole I'd say that Mr. Weldon is either very brave or very, very stupid. That's awfully ballsy talk for a public radio man. I have one word for you, sir, and that word is "smite."

Needless to say, I would avoid walking anywhere near Glen Weldon during inclement weather.

Just for fun, here's an episode of Thor's cooking show, Thor's Kitchen...

WEDNESDAY PULL LIST 7/15/09: Ryan Reynolds to Portray All Remaining Superheroes

2009-07-14T13:29:00.010-04:00

Well despite my brazen prognosticating, the seemingly impossible has happened. Warner Bros. selected Van Wilder as the big screen's Green Lantern, officially kickstarting Ryan Reynolds's campaign to star in every single superhero adaptation from now on. Having already appeared as Hannibal King in Blade: Trinity and signing on to play Deadpool, Reynolds (who was at one time also the favorite to play the Flash) ~~is now set to become the first actor to portray characters from both the Marvel and DC universes~~ (That's not even close to accurate). His next trick will be balancing his Hal Jordan and Deadpool duties, which may prove difficult since they're both slated for a 2011 release. Please god, don't let this culminate in Green Lantern II: The Rise of Taj.

In other casting news, Natalie Portman has signed on to join a cast of nobodies in the upcoming Thor movie (as Jane Foster, not Sif), and Holt "His name is Robert Paulson" McCallany has joined the cast of Warner Bros.' adaptation of The Losers.

And now for the severely vacation-delayed Wednesday Pull List...

Blackest Night #1 (of 8)
The long-awaited Blackest Night storyline finally kicks off this week (after an absolutely stellar lead-in from Green Lantern #43 last week), and the DC-porn will be in full effect as scores of long-dead characters are reanimated by the Black Lantern(s). The appearance of a zombie Martian Manhunter will be worth the price of admission, but Geoff Johns excels at this kind of universe-building endeavor so it should be great across the board. High hopes abound on this one.

Wednesday Comics #2
Not sure why I passed on the first issue of what has already become a universally lauded weekly series, but hopefully I can pick up a copy this week. The premise is simple: a large-format, fold-out compendium of short comics stories by a veritable who's who of today's talent, featuring characters like Deadman, Metamorpho, Batman, Adam Strange, and more.

Dark Avengers #7
The Dark Avengers/X-Men crossover (a concept that I was mocking mere weeks ago as too ridiculous for even Marvel to entertain) continues, to diminishing returns. I may have to drop this book, as it continues to inspire yawns and little else.

Preacher Hardcover Vol. 1
I hate to jump on the deluxe-edition bandwagon, but this pricey little number compiles the first twelve issues of my all-time favorite comic book into a lovely hardcover package. So yeah, I'm gonna drop the dough on this and the rest of the volumes as they come out. What can I say, I'm a merchandiser's wet dream.

Random News Roundup

2009-07-10T16:47:00.004-04:00

With just under two weeks to go until the 2009 San Diego Comic Con, the newswires are rife with comics news, wild speculation, and feverish message-board dork battles.

The most interesting tidbit so far today is the rumor that the lead role in the upcoming Green Lantern movie has been narrowed to three candidates: Bradley Cooper, Ryan Reynolds, and...wait for it...Justin "Dick in a Box" Timberlake! (I guess my boy Nathan Filion is too old for the part.) But Reynolds couldn't possibly be the next Hal Jordan, as he's already set to play Deadpool, and he has long been rumored as the top choice for any potential Flash movie as well. Cooper is an intriguing idea, and his dick-ish streak matches Hal's devil-may-care attitude. I'm a big JT fan, but I just can't see America's favorite mother lover as the Green Lantern for sector 2814.

In other news, Scott Ian, legendary goatee aficionado and lead guitarist of Anthrax, is set to write the upcoming Lobo: Highway to Hell miniseries for DC. Ian is just the latest in a recent rash of celebrities getting into comic books.

Sad (though no longer timely) news came my way yesterday: First, J. Michael Straczynski is leaving Thor. This is terrible news for one of Marvel's best-written properties, especially on the heels of the Captain Britain and MI-13 cancellation. No word yet on JMS's replacement.

And speaking of sudden and unwelcome departures, comics superstar and burgeoning Hollywood talent Brian K. Vaughan has confirmed that he is leaving the writing staff of LOST for "greener pastures." No further details have been made available on this one, either.

Finally, your weekend would be incomplete without footage of Doctor Doom doing stand-up in Baltimore...

WEDNESDAY PULL LIST: Lowbrow Superbook Extravaganza

2009-06-26T16:30:00.011-04:00

Calling this column the Wednesday Pull List is getting downright ridiculous.

This week's pulls were 100% major label and 100% superhero. In other words, all the fun, none of the intellectual enrichment. It's like a weekend eating nothing but dessert.

Thor #601
The god of thunder has been exiled from Asgard, his indestructible hammer, Mjolnir (yes, I spelled that from memory), has been broken, and his girlfriend is stuck in the body of an old lady or something. It's been a bad few weeks for the mighty Thor. I'm hoping he decides to work out his frustrations by beating a frost giant to death or splitting a mountain in half or something equally METAL, but most likely his response will be something emo like asking someone to cast a spell.

Astonishing X-Men #30
This book was frigging amazing under the stewardship of Joss Whedon and Dan Cassaday. Under the direction of Warren Ellis and Simone Bianchi, it has become increasingly baroque and hard to follow...or care about. We have entered a(nother) fallow period for the various X-books, and I finally dropped Uncanny X-Men this week. AGAIN. Depending on this week's issue, Astonishing may share its sibling's fate.

Dark Avengers Uncanny X-Men Utopia #1
And speaking of X-books, I have no idea what to expect from this. Yet another crossover issue. These things have become so commonplace that I actually forgot to buy this issue when I was in the shop. They all just flow into one another, and not in the good way. Hell, I don't even know what the premise is.

Green Lantern #42
So there's all these different lantern colors now, each based on a different part of the "emotional spectrum," and right now Hal is fighting the orange (greed) lantern. Well at the end of the last issue, the greedy orange dude chopped Hal Jordan's fucking arm off!! Needless to say, I am looking forward to seeing how this shakes out. Will it magically reattach via lantern power? Does Hal get a Luke Skywalker robo-hand or a hand made of pure green energy? Maybe he should get a claw, or perhaps some kind of ornate and wholly impractical weapon.

New Avengers #54
Apparently the new Sorcerer Supreme is finally chosen in this issue. (SPOILER: It's goofy-ass Brother Voodoo! Is someone at Marvel headquarters hopped-up on goofballs, or what?) I've already registered my extreme displeasure at Doctor Strange losing the title in the first place, but I am encouraged by the news of his replacement. Brother Voodoo is so inessential and ridiculous a character that his death is more than a little plausible, clearing the way for good ol' Doc Strange to reclaim that bitchin' Cloak of Levitation.

Dark Avengers #6
To be completely honest, I'm not even sure what's going on in this book. There are so many Avengers titles these days, they may as well just slap an "X-" in front of them all and be done with it.

Celebrities Are Nerds Too!

2009-06-22T17:44:00.005-04:00

Honestly, I didn't think I could like R.E.M.'s Peter Buck any more than I already do, but then I saw this picture. (Thanks for the link, Lane.) R.E.M.'s guitarist as a clerk in a comic shop? As my friend Rob says, "Mint."

"Likes comic books" is always a huge plus when it comes to celebrity worship. Seth Myers and Bill Hader, Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Kevin Smith... more often than not, I like 'em better once I find out they're nerds. My better half even posted a gallery of comics-friendly musicians over at Spinner.com, and now I'm a Ryan Adams fan despite his music.

BONUS VIDEO: Bill Hader for the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund

"Form of...a Puddle!"Truly Stupid Superpowers

2009-06-19T17:23:00.004-04:00

We suck big-time!
Even as little kids, we were always attuned to lame superpowers. For those of us who grew up in the 1970s and '80s, the poster child for superpower stupidity was undoubtedly Zan, the "male" half of the Wonder Twins on The All-New Superfriends Hour. You know the drill: Fist bump, "Wonder Twin powers...ACTIVATE!" Then Jayna can turn into any animal, real or imaginary. Not bad. Totally respectable power. Zan, on the other hand, could turn into any form of water. Yep. "Form of...an ice...um, skateboard!" "Form of...uh, steam!" The dude was only able to travel because their pet monkey carried a handy bucket around. No wonder (ahem) the Wonder Twins replaced Robin as the putz the real superheroes inevitably had to rescue in every damn episode. (There's really nothing I can say about them that Seanbaby hasn't said better.)

Now before anyone leaps to Zan's defense, I grant that there are always ways to make even the worst superpower deadly or useful. I suppose Zan could enter through someone's nostrils as steam and then turn back into his regular form, exploding the person's body and leaving himself covered in his victim's tattered gore. But there's useless and then there's stupid. No one has to explain why flying is an awesome power. But a fair amount of thought has to go into the relative benefits of being able to turn into an ice dildo.

Even flying isn't always cool. Everyone wants to fly, but probably not if it means having actual wings. Having wings is a cumbersome, socially awkward "power" (some would say affliction), and it's all but useless in a fight. The dude who's power is "wings" is the dude who gets beaten up first. The X-Men's Angel always made it seem fairly cool, but it helped that we was in the X-Men, was rich and good looking, and rocked an awesome costume. (Plus they finally butched him up big time by turning his wings into flying razor blades and changing his name to Archangel.) But why would anyone actively pursue having wings? Falcon and The Vulture always struck me as completely moronic. (And what's sadder than an old bald man in a vulture suit??) If you can invent wings that make you fly, maybe you should invent, like, a mind-control helmet. Or at least a gun.

Hawkman, at least, had the right idea: If you're going to get stuck with wings and a ridiculous, laugh-inducing costume, it's best to discourage mockery with a massive, brutal weapon.

Stupid superpowers tend to be the province of villains, for the simple reason that you have to come up with so many villains just to populate one ongoing title. That's why Batman, for example, fought guys like The Calculator, who could perform various feats of villainous mathematics, and Calendar Man, who managed to turn his preternatural awareness of today's date to nefarious ends. I am not making these guys up, by the way. On the Marvel end of things, Iron Man and Captain America routinely tussled with such victories of the human imagination as Gorilla Man, who had a man's head and a gorilla's body. What superhero can't beat up a gorilla?
And don't forget Batroc the Leaper (again, not made up), who's leaping was ever-so deadly. (In fact, leaping and bouncing constitutes an entire category of stupid superpower, as typified by the Legion of Superheroes' formidable Bouncing Boy and Marvel's deeply irritating Speedball.)

More recently, the (seemingly innumerable) X-Men spinoffs have provided the Marvel universe with a panoply of "special" (in the shortbus sense) abilities. The proliferation of mutants required that writers come up with ever more outlandish powers, giving us such anti-winners as Masque, who has the power to make people ugly; Blob, who is so fat he cannot be moved; and Tar Baby, who is very, very sticky. Yes, someone decided that the floor of a movie theater would make a great superpower. One of my all-time faves is Unus the Untouchable, who had a forcefield so impenetrable that he soon asphyxiated. And let's not forget the inexplicably popular Jubilee, scourge of X-Men fans throughout the 1990s, whose superpower consisted of the ability to shoot colorful sparks from her hands while annoying the shit out of anyone within earshot. (Jubilee was the X-Men's Poochie, a youth-oriented stab at cultural relevance that involved big earrings and rollerblades.) Another X-mutant who always got a lot of slack for his power was Cypher, who could read and speak any language he came in contact with. Not too useful in a knife fight, to be sure, but I would not kick that power out of bed for eating crackers.

And then there are the astoundingly retarded powers that just pop up on high-profile teams from time to time, the likely result of drugs, booze, or lack of sleep. On The Avengers, for instance, there was Starfox, a goofy gingernut Lothario with impossible hair and the ability to "affect the pleasure center" of others. They were always a little vague about that, but if I'm not mistaken it means he incapacitates villains by making them horny. While that's not very intimidating, it is also a power I would not mind having myself. On the Legion of Superheroes (again), there was Matter Eater Lad (also a future entry in the Worst Superhero Names list), who can eat all matter. While not terribly imaginative, his abilities would come in very handy on Fear Factor or during fraternity hazing. And finally there is the queen of the Inhumans, the aptly named Medusa, who has complete mental control over her own hair. Insert Pantene joke here. As luck would have it, Medusa's husband is the ultra-badass Black Bolt, whose voice is so devastatingly powerful that he can never speak for fear of destroying everything around him. Between them, there's enough on-the-nose poetic justice for a hundred O. Henry stories.

There are thousands of superheroes out there, so the swelling ranks of stupid superpowers comes as little surprise. Besides, what these sad misfits represent is really mankind's struggle to escape the shackles of the standard narrative tropes we've been stuck with for centuries. Our desires to fly, possess great strength, become invisible, or (especially for contemporary Americans) make things happen without lifting a finger are classic reactions to our limitations as human beings, and so they permeate our myths and legends. Stupid superpowers, then, represent our desire to escape the limitations of narrative. In that sense, turning into an ice dildo is a liberating act; useless superpowers are truly avant-garde.

WEDNESDAY PULL LIST 6/18/09: Shortest Post Ever Edition

2009-06-17T16:59:00.005-04:00

Captain America #600
Well speculation is running rampant, but everyone seems convinced that Marvel is bringing Steve Rogers back from the dead. Only Superman was brought back more quickly. I shant grouse and moan over the incessant killin'-and-revivin' over at the House of Ideas, if only because others have done it better and more often. And yes, I'm complicit in the stupidity for th simple reason that I'm going to buy the damn thing (at $4.99, no less!). But it's officially LAME.

Hellblazer #256
This is the only other book this week. And a good thing, too, because comics are getting pricier by the moment. Still not crazy about Peter Milligan's handling of Johnny Constantine but as I've said before, I'll never stop collecting this book.

WEDNESDAY PULL LIST 6/11/09: Yet Another Thursday Edition

2009-06-11T14:47:00.011-04:00

Mickey Rourke as Whiplash
Well the first look at Mickey Rourke as Whiplash in Iron Man 2 is officially everywhere by now, but I just couldn't resist. Whiplash? Really? I'll admit I've never been a huge Iron Man reader (except for a brief span during the late-80s red-and-silver armor era), but I'm fairly certain Whiplash was a D-list villain at best. Hold on...

Yes, Wikipedia has confirmed my suspicions. Whiplash (aka Backlash) is a total D-lister who hangs out with other "super"villains like The Melter, Man-Bull, and Blizzard. Oh, and he's also dead. Yes, apparently Whiplash was accidentally beaten to death by Iron Man's armor. It's as stupid as it sounds. Anyway, nice going with the villain, Iron Man 2 team! I'm sure Mickey Rourke's Russian accent is going to be terrific, too.

Anyway, on to this week's pulls...

Buck Rogers #1
This was a bit of an it-was-near-the-register impulse purchase, but the cover art is inspired, the coloring is dazzling, and I have a soft spot for Buck Rogers thanks to a childhood spent watching Gil Gerrard as TV's Buck Rogers in the 25th Century. Sci-fi comics are always a dodgy proposition, so let's go with "guarded optimism" for the time being.

The Unwritten #2
There's an in-depth look at The Unwritten over at Read About Comics, which is nice since the plot is a bitch to summarize. Suffice it to say I was a big fan of Mike Carey and Peter Gross's work on Vertigo's Lucifer series, and this is off to a similarly engrossing start.

Fantastic Four #567
So in the last issue Doctor Doom was making preparations for the arrival of his "master," a dude so powerful that his very approach causes crazy weather across the globe. When the master finally arrives...KABOOM! He's a total mystical douchebag! He tells Doom off for not being more of an evil dick himself, then promises that shit is about to get real, metaphysically speaking. Presumably this issue will deal with the FF's initial confrontation with Really Mean Jerk Magic Guy Who Hasn't Said His Totally Evil Name Yet. Why do writers and artists have such a problem making ultra-powerfully evil mystical guys scary instead of douche-y? It's like how ancient, badass vampires always turn up in movies as insufferable Eurotrash tools with bare chests and ponytails. Thus far, color me unimpressed.

Unthinkable
Another in the recent deluge of adjectival titles beginning with "Un," Unthinkable is thus far little more than a cool premise: a think-tank is convened to come up with the most outlandishly devastating terrorist plots imaginable, allowing the government to prepare for these doomsday contingencies. Deemed too wacky and expensive, the project gets mothballed until, lo and behold, some of their wild terrorist scenarios become reality. It's only issue 2 so there's no telling where the story could go, but it's a compelling idea at the very least.

B.P.R.D.: The War On Frogs #3 (of 4)
What can I say? Mike Mignola's Hellboy/B.P.R.D. titles are a hoot. The art is uniformly fantastic, whether or not Mignola himself is handling penciling duties; the writing is always laconic and refreshingly show-don't-tell; and Dave Stewart is probably the best colorist in the business. It seems like there are three or four different titles in this universe at any one time, and I can be counted on to collect them all.

Uncanny X-Men #511
Looks like they're bringing Jean Grey/Dark Phoenix back from the dead...AGAIN. *Yawn* I'm a big fan of Matt Fraction's writing (and his call-in during the June 2 WFMU Best Show mega-marathon was awesome) but give me a break. Jean Grey is by far the most-killed character in the history of comics. Enough already! Unless she rises from the grave and starts moaning and eating human flesh, no one cares! I've already admitted that I have no excuse for reading this book, and I may have to drop it...AGAIN.

Art Brut at Mercury Lounge, June 4, 2009:"DC Comics and Chocolate Milkshake"

2009-06-05T12:30:00.008-04:00

Image © 2009 Tommy Kearns, via flickr
Now I know what you're thinking: "Why is he posting a show review on Kirby Krackle? Doesn't this kind of thing belong on *Bitter Defeat*?" Well normally, you'd be right, but last night's Art Brut show at Manhattan's Mercury Lounge, the third night of a five-night stand, was such a comics fan's wet dream that it deserves a place on a comics blog.

As a very, very sexy writer over at Spinner.com reported last September, lead singer Eddie Argos is no stranger to comic books himself. In addition to his comics blog at Playback, he constantly blabs about DC comics on his Twitter feed, and the band's new album, Art Brut vs. Satan, even features a song called "DC Comics and Chocolate Milkshake."

And yet, while a little comic book love is perhaps to be expected, no one could have anticipated last night's complete nerd-love explosion. As Argos tweeted a few days ago, "I rewrote our song 'Modern Art' last night and turned it into 'DC Comics make me want to rock out'. I think that might be a keeper." It's a keeper all right. Inspired by a recent trip to DC's Manhattan offices, Argos has turned the song into a floor-by-floor account of his DC experience, complete with tales of the Daily Planet desk and a real lump of kryptonite. And of course the song still rocked everyone's faces off. Then they tore right into the aforementioned "DC Comics and Chocolate Milkshake," which proved to be the most well received new song of the night. A sample lyric: "I'm in love with a girl in my comic shop / She's a girl who likes comics / She probably gets a lot." In the face of such a dorktastic one-two punch, you can bet there wasn't a dry pair of Aquaman Underoos in the house.

As with any Art Brut show (I think this was my fourth), a good time was had by all (especially the 6'5" idiot in a business suit to our left) and many beers were consumed. But on this particular night there was more to my post-set elation: It felt like the nerds were suddenly the coolest kids in town.

THE WEDNESDAY PULL LIST 6/4/09:Day-Late Edition

2009-06-04T14:49:00.012-04:00

No one ever said I was punctual. I am, in fact, a very busy person, and timely blogging will often suffer as a result. Come on people, Drag Me to Hell and the new Jarvis Cocker album aren't going to appreciate themselves! Which brings us to the stale, day-late Wednesday Pull List.

Batman & Robin #1
The unstoppable Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely are back! The creative team behind We3 and my personal favorite superhero book, All-Star Superman, among others, have turned their prodigious talents to the (current) Caped Crusader and Boy Wonder. It's a pity they aren't writing Bruce Wayne (who is currently "dead" or something) but on the bright side, Robin has pants! The book strikes a gratifying balance between Morrison's darker side and the campy 1960s Batman television show, and the art (surprise surprise) is nothing short of jaw-dropping. As long as you don't care who's wearing the cowl, this is a book for absolutely any fan of the medium.

Superman: World of New Krypton #4 (of 12)
Speaking of the Man of Steel (and AWOL superheroes), Superman remains off-planet as he attempts to bring a little humanity to the newly formed New Krypton. The series has been pretty good so far (although those Gary Frank covers just make his absence on the interiors more painful), if a tad slow. But if this Superman vs. Green Lantern cover is any indication, things are looking up!

Dark Avengers #5
A mere five issues in, and already Norman Osborne is starting to lose the plot? Brian Michael Bendis's writing is perfectly suited to this band of psychos, murderers, and thieves masquerading as superheroes, and as their psychoses bubble to the surface, it just gets all the more fun.

The Boys #31
As this book has become more and more dialogue driven, I have come closer to dropping it entirely. This issue's big sell is that the superheroes the Boys have been tormenting for...holy crap, for years now!&mdashare finally going on the offensive. I'll believe it when I see it, but I do have high hopes. Watching the same characters have the same smirky conversations and witness the same depraved behavior for 30 issues has gotten a little stale, and the book would benefit from some forward momentum.

War of Kings #4 (of 6)
The Starjammers, the (always entertaining) Guardians of the Galaxy, and Marvel's ultimate badass, Black Bolt, have gone to war against the Shi'ar empire. So far, it's been flat-out entertaining. The current renaissance in "cosmic" comics (at bot Marvel and DC) continues unabated, and that's great news for any fan of sci-fi action. Series writers Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning are on a complete tear these days, and here's hoping they keep it up.

Ultimatum #4 (of 5)
The beauty of the Ultimates universe is that even the most beloved Marvel characters are fair game. And so the Ultimatum bloodbath has been quite a fun ride. So far Professor X, Nightcrawler, Beast, Wasp, and many others have already been killed, and New York City has been devastated by a massive tsunami. Plus the Ultimates Thor sports a sweet beard and just kinda rules in general. Artist David Finch is a rabid perfectionist (which is probably why it takes three months for each issue to come out), and his exacting work shows on every page.

The Worst Superhero CostumesCase File #3: Rob Liefeld

2009-06-02T13:11:00.016-04:00

In what could be called the "Fish in a Barrel Edition" of Worst Superhero Costumes, we tackle the costuming legacy of Rob Liefeld, former comics juggernaut and current symbol of all that was horribly wrong with the medium in the 1990s. To be fair, Liefeld is a convenient symbol of an overcooked, overextended corporate and creative atmosphere, a time of big guns, big money, and, on the whole, shitty product. He is, in other words, an unfortunate scapegoat.

But let's face it, there's also a reason the dude has become shorthand for "crap," that he is to '90s comics what Candlebox is to '90s music. (For proof, check out Progressive Boink's "The 40 Worst Rob Liefeld Drawings.") To begin with, the guy couldn't draw the human figure to save his life. He couldn't draw feet, he gave everyone tiny heads and ridiculous muscles, and he went to the Wolverine Haircut Academy. And then there were the characters. Liefeld characters had one of four "powers"—giant gun, giant sword, giant knife, or some combination of the three—and they typically wore several layers of straps, armor, shoulder pads, pouches, unnecessary headgear, eye-searingly garish colors, and more pouches. Call it "hyper-paramilitary chic." Let's play a little game I like to call "Count the Pouches." The rules are simple: see if you can count the pouches in this picture:
Perhaps the purest distillation of the Liefeld aesthetic, as it were, is his most famous creation, Cable.

Cable ostensibly has some mutant powers, but the only one he ever seemed to use was his ability to carry more shit around than anyone else. Need gum? A Band-Aid perhaps? Cable is your man. Between the massive backpack, two swords, an outlandishly proportioned gun, and the cavalcade of pads and pouches, it's a wonder the man can move at all, let alone pass through doorways or get into a car. He just looks like the world's angriest hiker.

While Cable may represent the apotheosis of Liefeld's various costume tics, he is far from the most hideous example. Hell, I'm not even sure what is the most egregious case. Perhaps it's best to run down some of the candidates, and let you decide for yourself.

Luckily for Shatterstar, he has a name as insipid as his outfit. After all, consistency is important in the superhero game, and Shatterstar sucked across the board. It looks like an orderly at the local mental hospital couldn't remember if he was supposed to attend boxing practice, fencing practice, or football practice, so he just grabbed some equipment for all three and headed out the door. Throw in Billy Ray Cyrus's haircut and some Hasidic curls and you've got yourself the most batshit crazy "superhero" ever. Everything about this guy says "cross to the other side of the street"—it's like running into a wild-eyed homeless dude with an eightball jacket and a croquet mallet.

It's difficult to tell if the awesomely named Stryfe is an evil future version of Cable or the bassist in G.W.A.R. He certainly spells his name like he's in a metal band. The Marvel Universe's most deadly blender attachment, Stryfe is also its most carelessly caped villain. What material could stand up to his endless protrusions, spikes, and blades? An upholsterer's nightmare to be sure.

Liefeld didn't create Boomer (formerly worst-name-ever contestant "Boom Boom"), but he is responsible for dressing her like this. On the off chance that enough of these belts, straps, and buckles are unfastened to dislodge her from her unitard, she can always remember which outfit is hers; it's the one that says "Boomer" down the leg. Unfortunately, her hot-pink and yellow ensemble is just a flashy front for the insecure little girl who still has to wear painful, cumbersome orthodontic headgear into battle.

Easy target? Most definitely. But for these heinous transgressions against taste, Leifeld deserves all the grief he's gotten lo these many years. Forever blurring the line between superheroes and outpatient gun nuts, he helped make the 1990s unsafe for a generation of comic book fans.

WEDNESDAY PULL LIST 5/28/09: Thursday Holiday Edition

2009-05-28T15:36:00.013-04:00

Oh the misery of having to wait an extra day for my sweet, sweet comics fix after a long Memorial Day weekend. Damn you, soldiers who fight and die for my freedom!

After a light (and alarmingly underwhelming) slate of books last week, today promises such nerd overindulgence that my wallet may spontaneously combust. No less than eight books. Jesus, it's almost enough to make one wonder if one has a problem. Almost. Luckily, I remain steadfast in my dedication to leading an unexamined life. I shall therefore embrace denial.

And now to the totally non-problematic huge number of comic books...

Spider-Man: The Short Halloween
I just found out about this last week, and thank god I did. Saturday Night Live cast members (and well-known comic junkies) Bill Hader and Seth Myers teamed with the awesome Kevin Maguire for this utterly un-seasonal one-shot. Word is that one of the villains in this book is called "Badger Teeth." And while that is undeniably awesome, they already had me at "Bill Hader," a man whose comic genius is surpassed only by his nerd bona-fides. Just check out Exhibit One: his impression of Jabba the Hut dying.

Crossed #5
Crossed is far and away the most disturbing comic book out there right now. No really. It's about a horrible plague that turns its "victims" into twisted, perverted homicidal maniacs who do really unspeakably profane things to any normal people they run across. Writer Garth Ennis is legitimately unwell. The gleeful depravity of this post-apocalyptic nightmare will haunt you for days.

Back to Brooklyn #5 (of 5)
Did someone mention Garth Ennis? He and Jimmy Palmiotti joined forces for this brass-tacks take on wiseguy brutality, and suffice it to say they nailed the Brooklyn tough-guy tone. It's Francis Ford Coppolla for the Grand Theft Auto generation.

Battlefields: Tankies #2
Anyone heard of this Garth Ennis guy? Apparently he writes lots of comic books. The third and final installment of Ennis's brilliant Battlefields series didn't open with the obvious brilliance of its predecessors, but it certainly has potential. Issue 2, which continues the story of a British tank regiment in the days immediately following the Normandy invasion, should settle the issue one way or the other.

Wolverine #72
The penultimate chapter of Mark Millar's brilliant "Old Man Logan" finally arrives two weeks aftr the controversial release of the (totally unrelated) issue #73. Confused? You should be. Marvel was so desperate to capitalize on the release of their execrable Wolverine movie that they leapfrogged issues just to have something on the shelves. As anyone who's been following this alternate-reality tale of a world in which the heroes lost could tell you, every issue has been well worth the wait.

New Avengers #53
The search for the new Sorcerer Supreme continues, but there is a slight problem: I want Dr. Strange to remain Sorcerer Supreme. Dr. Strange is friggin' suave! This is like reading a book in which Bruce Wayne leads the search for a new Batman. I mean, would you see a movie in which Sean Connery tracks down Roger Moore in order to hand over the title of 007? Okay I would too, but you see where I'm going. Who can get behind this stupid story? I have an idea. Have Dr. Strange look in the mirror and proclaim, "Whoa! Hello handsome! Looks like we've found ourselves the new Sorcerer Supreme." The end.

Green Lantern #41
Oh Geoff Johns, is there nothing you can't do? Johns's peerless run on GL just keeps on truckin' with this prelude to the big "Blackest Night" storyline.

The Sword #17
In every issue this former paraplegic named Dara uses a magical sword to fight the godlike villains who killed her semi-immortal father. It's essentially one protracted fight after another, with lots of maiming and healing and impaling and healing and yelling. And yes, it's as fun as I'm making it sound.

The Best Superhero CostumesCase File #1: Black Is Beautiful

2009-05-27T11:22:00.017-04:00

Black Bolt
However many times we proclaim something "the new black," nothing beats the original. There is little doubt that Ludwig Mies van der Rohe's oft-repeated motto, "less is more," is especially true when it comes to effective superhero costumes, and it doesn't get much more minimal than a black bodysuit with an understated emblem or trim. But simplicity aside, what is it that makes black so consistently badass?

From a scientific standpoint the very concept of blackness is mired in seeming contradictions; it is paradoxically the absence of light and the presence of all color. A truly black body is one that absorbs all light, and is therefore experienced only through absence. And yet in color theory black results from the combination of primary pigments. So in a gross but poetic simplification, black is everything and nothing all at once.

Small wonder, then, that in design color theory (and in fashion), black represents strength, mystery, power...and death. And in comics it sends a singular message: I am not to be fucked with. Observe:

I daresay that if Black Manta swam up to you, there is a better-than-average chance that you would befoul your swimsuit.

Not surprisingly, black has proved useful in both sprucing and evil-ing up many already iconic costumes. When Spider-Man got a little edgy in the 1980s, along came the alien symbiote costume...

And when Shazams and Flashes go bad, all it takes is a supercool switch to ebony threads to send just the right message.

And then there's the fact that Star Man, Black Panther, and Black Bolt all just look so goddamn slick...

A black costume is the best way to say, "You don't want to waste your time on a man like me. I'm complicated, baby. You can't change me, and I don't want to be changed. Also, there is a decent chance I could destroy you by accident if I sneeze or talk in my sleep."

When it comes to the ladies, the lure of forbidden fruit is even stronger. When they wear black, leather is typically the material of choice, and it's usually...how can I put this? Form fitting.

Catwoman, Black Cat, and Black Widow
The black-clad lasses tend to be thieves and spies, exactly the kind of girls your mother warned you about. They are also out of your league unless you're even more dark and brooding than they are (i.e., you are Batman); in most cases they would sooner tie you up and steal your stuff than speak to you.

Hero or villain, thief or king, the black-clad comics character is as complex and alluring as black itself. Sadly, when real-life comic-book fans don black trenchcoats and goth wear, the effect is less forbidding and mysterious than, oh... sad. Although in both comic books and in real life, the black-clad loner sends a similar message:

THE WEDNESDAY PULL LIST 5/20/09

2009-05-20T12:34:00.017-04:00

Before we get to this weeks pulls, drops, and trade bait, there are two general items to discuss.

First, Paul Cornell has announced that his fantastic Captain Britain and MI-13 series will be canceled after issue #15. While the news is somewhat surprising (and really goddamned unfortunate), Cornell insists that the series will wrap up the remaining loose ends:

"It hasn’t been rushed to fit the space, it hasn’t been compromised, it won’t just suddenly cut off: it’s what I intended. I think the Annual and the two remaining issues finish off one of my best stories in any media, and that story is actually the entirety of Captain Britain and MI-13. You’ll see what I mean a bit more next issue. This is a comic with a proper ending."

This is sad news, as MI-13 was, along with Abnett and Lanning's Guardians of the Galaxy, one of the best and most critically adored books in the Marvel stable. One can only assume that such a promising series was axed to make room for another shitty Dark Reign tie-in, or perhaps another book that starts with an "X."

On a much happier note, I finished the trade paperback of Joe Kelly's I Kill Giants on the subway this morning, and had to pull the "there's something in my eye" trick to spare my fellow commuters from seeing me get a little choked up. I'll skip the lengthy plot description, but I will say that this tale of a little girl's fight against real and metaphorical monsters is one of the best comics I've read in the past year. It's an absolute must-read on every level. (Buy it at Amazon)

And now for this week's comics. It's a light week, with only four pulls from he shop shelves...

HELLBLAZER #255

Since this is consistently my favorite comic series, there's really no need to explain the pick. Peter Milligan has been doing a surprisingly good job so far, but they could make a monkey lead writer and I'd keep buying it anyway.

HEROGASM #1

From the pages of Garth Ennis's terrific The Boys comes a spinoff in which overindulgent superheroes take advantage of people and do disgusting shit. I'm not sure how this differs from The Boys, but I'll give it is shot based on Ennis's usual winning ways.

FANTASTIC FOUR #566

I haven't read Fantastic Four regularly since John Byrne left the book in the 1980s, but Hitch and Millar's run has come highly recommended, and this is the first issue of their final story arc before Johnathan Hickman and Dale Eaglesham take over. Besides, I loves me some Doctor Doom, and he's obviously gonna be front and center in a story titled "Masters of Doom."

UNCANNY X-MEN #510

A paraphrased exchange from Heathers:

"Goddamn, won't somebody tell me why I still read this damn book?" "'Cause your an idiot?" "Oh yeah, that's it."

Matt Fraction may be one of Marvel's hot young guns, but Uncanny still seems too ridiculous by half. Nonetheless, in a classic case of brand loyalty, I keep dropping it and then picking it back up, just like a crackhead.

DROPS AND TRADE BAIT...

This week I'm dropping Locke and Key: Head Games, by Joe Hill (aka Stephen King's son) because it still hasn't gone anywhere after four issues, and he art is too cartoony. Man I hate cartoony. I've also dropped Brian K. Vaughan's amazing Ex Machina, but only because I'm going to collect it in trades instead. Image's new Olympus series looks interesting, but I'm gonna wait to hear the reviews before I take the plunge.

The Worst Superhero CostumesCase File #2: Mantis

2009-05-19T12:45:00.012-04:00

Despite appearances, this woman is not doing a campus walk of shame at UW Green Bay the morning after Super Bowl XXXI. It may look like she was up all night doing Jaeger bombs and blowing rails at the Kappa Sigma Luau Daze blowout, but she is, in fact, a celestial super-being with crazy martial-arts skills. She is Mantis, the "Celestial Madonna."

Much like our own terrestrial Madonna, Mantis has undergone a staggering number of character reinventions, ranging from slutty to quasi-religious to whorish. And as with Madonna, following her convoluted backstory isn't quite worth the effort. Suffice it to say it involves dressing like it's Carnival in Rio and having lots of space sex. Hard as it is to believe given her modest clothing, Mantis spent most of the 35 years since her first appearance (in 1973's Avengers #112) as a Space Floozy. In fact, it's difficult to find panels in which she isn't rubbing her grass skirt against whoever's within reach...

The parallels between the Celestial and terrestrial Madonnas go beyond their shared love of plunging necklines and risqué antics. Both eventually found a higher calling and settled down to motherhood. In Mantis's case, this apparently involved copulating with a humanoid plant who looked like a tree stump with a bad toupee, and subsequently conceiving the Celestial Messiah. No, really.

These days Mantis works as the team psychologist for the Guardians of the Galaxy, which makes sense because shrinks are usually the most messed-up people in the room. With her greater responsibilities and the mellowing of age, she has embraced new concepts like "underwear" and "sleeves." She has also turned green, for reasons that remain unclear. Alas, while she no longer looks like the thing that popped out of the cake at Brett Favre's birthday party, she has apparently enlisted in Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation...

As befits an aging free spirit, she still has a leather pouch where she keeps her hash pipe and some assorted crystals while yelling new-agey platitudes at depressed superheroes. Because you can take the girl out of the shredded skirt...

The Worst Superhero CostumesCase File #1: The Beyonder

2009-05-18T15:21:00.019-04:00

The Beyonder, c. 1985

Lists tend to be a mixed bag—they often generate more consternation than consensus, but they can also spur a new discovery or inspire some spirited commentary. More importantly, they are fun as hell to put together. For the inaugural Kirby Krackle feature, I figured I'd put together a free-form running commentary on the best and worst capes 'n' cowls from the last few decades. Most of the characters represented are from the late silver age to the modern era, which says more about my age than anything else. And please be sure to add some favorites of your own in the comments. (Special thanks to the guys over at iFanboy, whose recent costume podcast inspired this list.)

For the most part I will avoid mocking venerable comics characters who have gotten ill-advised costume "upgrades" (especially in the bad-idea-heavy 1990s), so you won't see such regrettable decisions as electric-blue Superman, dishwasher-safe blue Aquaman, or the redesigns of Spider-Man's and Daredevil's uniforms that involved adding random strips of armor, padding, and pouches. In addition, I'll probably lay off costumes that are purposefully meant to communicate their wearers' insanity or eccentricity, so you won't see characters like Madcap, The Creeper, Crazy Quilt, etc. There's no fun in mocking someone for looking like an idiot on purpose.

That said, today's inclusion of the Beyonder, circa 1985's Secret Wars II, might seem like exactly this kind of fish-in-a-barrel situation, given the fact that his ignorance of human culture has much to do with his choice of clothing. And strictly speaking, the Beyonder isn't really a superhero/villain. He's more childlike than anything. But here's the thing: this outfit wasn't meant to say "I am childlike." This outfit was meant to say "I am an omnipotent being, and I have chosen the flashiest, 'dopest' threads of this era in order to fit in in style." In other words, when attempting to capture the zeitgeist of 1985 male fashion, this is what Secret Wars II writer Jim Shooter and artist Al Milgrom came up with:

Popped collar? Puffy sleeves and pants? Wrapped front? Stark white? Booties (with pants tucked in)? Jheri curl? Yes, this man is the very picture of style.

Clearly, a pair of men working in the comic book industry were responsible for this particular take on 1985 hip. Men who were used to being dressed by their mothers/wives, and who decided that an omnipotent entity from beyond would come to our world and assume the mantle of coke dealer/hair product magnate. In other words, Philip Michael Thomas and Darryl from Coming to America best reflect the attire of hip, successful white dudes. At least we know who would play the Beyonder in the Secret Wars II movie...

That is, unless Mario Lopez is available.

Just don't let it be said that the man only had white jumpsuits at his disposal. How many omniscient drug lords only roll in one color? No, the Beyonder could easily drop magenta on you at any moment.

Out of thin air, the Beyonder appears to shame the ridiculous outfits of Power Man, Iron Fist, and the Falcon. How over the top must one be to to make that trio of bare-chested refugees from 1976 look like Jehova's witnesses? They are quite deservedly among the most frequently mocked superheroes in existence—disco-era macho men wearing more silk and satin than a Chinese whore. And yet they bring a touch of class and subtlety to any tableaux that includes Captain Jumpsuit and his magical shoulder pads.

Luckily, when the Beyonder decided to mix it up with the superhero types, he dropped the Miami Vice business casual and put on a serious power suit. When shit got real, the Beyonder got realer:

POW! Now I got a Sony Walkman on each leg and a giant blowdryer to keep my moist curls full of body! Naturally, any self-respecting all-powerful being will equip his superfluous power suit with the most state-of-the-art speakers available.

With the limitless power of a god comes an unerring fashion sense, and in 1985 any true master of reality would be naked without a fly monochrome jumpsuit and a dripping-wet Jheri curl. Good thing Jim Shooter and Al Milgrom were on the case, making damn sure that the Beyonder looked the part.

COMING SOON

2009-03-12T17:31:00.001-04:00

From the people (okay, person) who brought you Bitter Defeat comes something new, exciting, and utterly unique: A BLOG ABOUT COMIC BOOKS!

How could you possibly resist??

More to come... Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.